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Wellsboro woman helps kids from the inside out
by Gayle Morrow
Do you know about the gremlin? It's that voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough, that the person sitting next to you is no good (but maybe better than you, so you are justified in feeling jealous and resentful, and in talking about that person's faults). When you hear that voice, Kate Sholonski of Wellsboro tells her students, the trick is to acknowledge to yourself, “Oh, that's just the gremlin.” With practice the gremlin loses its power, and you end up feeling better about yourself and about that person sitting next to you.
“I love getting people lit-up about being committed to themselves,” Sholonski says. “Self-compassion leads to compassion for others. It feels good to be kind.”
Sholonski, who was an orthopedic nurse and surgeon's assistant for 28 years, laughs as she says she knows some people are critical of her positive attitude. But she is convinced that even within the most negative individual there is goodness, though “sometimes it is not obvious.”
As her work as a life coach and with the Project: Inside Out program for middle school and high school students shows, she is a firm believer in the power of self-discovery.
It starts with common sense and awareness, she relates. She'd been to a leadership program and was telling a friend about the experience. The friend suggested she'd be good at teaching a course in common sense. That sparked a response, and that night she began making phone calls. Within a short time she had a program going at the high school.
“I have them (the students) look inside and see what is unique, rather than comparing themselves to others,” she says. “I encourage them to see people outside themselves without judgement. What I believe to be true is that when kids appreciate who they are they will be kinder to one another. If they're feeling good about who they are, they won't be picking on others, and they won't be hurt by what others say. That attitude is the foudnation for effective leadership.
“So, it's common sense.”
She says that “we're always being told what's wrong with us.” We hear it from the media, from advertisers, from other people, and it is hard to switch the focus from what's wrong to what's right.
“It takes practice,” she says.
That's why she is in the Rock Butler Middle School - to help the students there who want to look on the inside, who want to learn about living life trusting themselves instead of relying on the affirmations of others.
She started this past January with a middle school program, and last week met with middle school students to begin another round of self-discovery and leadership. Interested students can attend lunch-time sessions with Sholonski, with their parent's permission.
“We're also currently in our seventh semester (at the high school),” she notes.
The 12-week sessions begin with a stint on the ropes course to build trust among the participants. Students then meet with her once a week- they brainstorm on a variety of topics, all of which empower the students to be their best. After the 12 weeks are finished, they have the option of ongoing monthly meetings.
Some of the new middle school students have been delving into the notion of leadership, Sholonski continues.
“A lot of people have preconceived ideas about what leadership is, believing only the most outgoing or most popular are leaders. It is about being authentic, intentional and deliberate while in service. Everyone has the opportunity to be a leader every day. Picking up litter on Main Street, or standing up for another student are examples of everyday leadership.”
She says the students have also been talking about bullying, and trying to understand why other students might be bullies.
“People often operate out of fear, or on assumptions based on lack of knowledge,” she says. “They (the students) are realizing there's always something under the ways they're behaving.”
During the recent middle school assembly, one student gave an example of leadership by standing up to bullies. Sholonski responded with the quesiton: What would happen if every student shared a zero tolerance for bullying?
The students responded, “It would be great!”
Project: Inside Out is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization. Students participate in the program with parents' permission. Recruitment for the January session in the high school will be starting soon.
Adults can also participate in a similar program through Sholonski's Triumph! Personal and Professional Coaching business. For more information, contact her at 570-723-1020, or go to www.projectinsideout.org, or to www.triumphcoach.com.
“I love getting people lit-up about being committed to themselves,” Sholonski says. “Self-compassion leads to compassion for others. It feels good to be kind.”
Sholonski, who was an orthopedic nurse and surgeon's assistant for 28 years, laughs as she says she knows some people are critical of her positive attitude. But she is convinced that even within the most negative individual there is goodness, though “sometimes it is not obvious.”
As her work as a life coach and with the Project: Inside Out program for middle school and high school students shows, she is a firm believer in the power of self-discovery.
It starts with common sense and awareness, she relates. She'd been to a leadership program and was telling a friend about the experience. The friend suggested she'd be good at teaching a course in common sense. That sparked a response, and that night she began making phone calls. Within a short time she had a program going at the high school.
“I have them (the students) look inside and see what is unique, rather than comparing themselves to others,” she says. “I encourage them to see people outside themselves without judgement. What I believe to be true is that when kids appreciate who they are they will be kinder to one another. If they're feeling good about who they are, they won't be picking on others, and they won't be hurt by what others say. That attitude is the foudnation for effective leadership.
“So, it's common sense.”
She says that “we're always being told what's wrong with us.” We hear it from the media, from advertisers, from other people, and it is hard to switch the focus from what's wrong to what's right.
“It takes practice,” she says.
That's why she is in the Rock Butler Middle School - to help the students there who want to look on the inside, who want to learn about living life trusting themselves instead of relying on the affirmations of others.
She started this past January with a middle school program, and last week met with middle school students to begin another round of self-discovery and leadership. Interested students can attend lunch-time sessions with Sholonski, with their parent's permission.
“We're also currently in our seventh semester (at the high school),” she notes.
The 12-week sessions begin with a stint on the ropes course to build trust among the participants. Students then meet with her once a week- they brainstorm on a variety of topics, all of which empower the students to be their best. After the 12 weeks are finished, they have the option of ongoing monthly meetings.
Some of the new middle school students have been delving into the notion of leadership, Sholonski continues.
“A lot of people have preconceived ideas about what leadership is, believing only the most outgoing or most popular are leaders. It is about being authentic, intentional and deliberate while in service. Everyone has the opportunity to be a leader every day. Picking up litter on Main Street, or standing up for another student are examples of everyday leadership.”
She says the students have also been talking about bullying, and trying to understand why other students might be bullies.
“People often operate out of fear, or on assumptions based on lack of knowledge,” she says. “They (the students) are realizing there's always something under the ways they're behaving.”
During the recent middle school assembly, one student gave an example of leadership by standing up to bullies. Sholonski responded with the quesiton: What would happen if every student shared a zero tolerance for bullying?
The students responded, “It would be great!”
Project: Inside Out is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization. Students participate in the program with parents' permission. Recruitment for the January session in the high school will be starting soon.
Adults can also participate in a similar program through Sholonski's Triumph! Personal and Professional Coaching business. For more information, contact her at 570-723-1020, or go to www.projectinsideout.org, or to www.triumphcoach.com.
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